Tonight, when i came home from my class with bad mood and empty stomach ruling my mind, i decided to go with a quick and easy soup-at-hand to warm my soul. As i was putting the little container into my microwave, i realized with ultimate horror, that out of the corner of my eye i saw a pot on the stove. I racked my mind to remember the last time i even used the stove, i settled on 8 days ago to a breakfast i made for chris before he left for peru. my stomach lurched as i thought of cleaning out the eight-day left overs molding inside that medium size pot. but as i was working up the courage to do the nasty deed, i stopped on an even OLDER memory that was almost a week older than the moldy oatmeal monster. there was an un-eaten dinner roast in the oven. i wanted to cry right than and there and forget about it. after i thru that thought out, i considered throwing it ALL away.. the pot, the dish the roast was in.. and the silverwere that were sitting near by. i decided that was really dumb and that i'd have to get down to business, and soon, before small animals were born right out of the stench.
about an hour later, after gloves were applied, and scarf was wrapped tightly around my face (careful to cover the nose) i heated up the water like a pro. from here the work is all a blur. i can imagine myself trapping the moldy monsters and rushing them out to the garbage, submerging the pots into the steaming water bath and letting time pass. Maybe five minutes went by, i think that is fair, i than took the scrubbing sponge into my left hand and lifted the previous home of the oatmeal mold'en...

This next part might change your view of me.

I looked down to what my hands were cleaning and became VERY AWARE that the residue that had withheld time and boiling water looked like ripped skin. I"M DEATHLY AFRAID AND REVOLTED BY THIS ONE TEXTURE.*

Now this is realtime. i'm sitting in a room far away from that horrid kitchen writing this and waiting for my courage to return. I ran away, i did. but you might too if you looked down in a medium sized metal pot and saw something so frightening looking back at you.



what would be in your medium sized metal pot?

I asked some friends.

Mom: "the dark"
Chancey: "spiders. taylor swift's voice"
Stella: "fire ants. eh. someone elses unwashed feet in my bed.... *FEET*"
Houston: "porcelain baby dolls and drab shades of yellow and tan"
Victoria: "cats tongues!"
Christian: "being in a position where i can't move my arms freely"
Daniel: "to get stung [by a bee] .. also of spiders basically any bugs with a large exoskeleton"
Alicia: "lines being left on the white board, guys missing spots on their face when they shave, & aiplane blankets (texture)"
Samantha: "Bald people. Mouth breathers. Paper"
Wesley: "crowds? breaking bones randomly. if i was a girl i'd be so afraid of public groping."
Melissa: "Frogs, heights, and seeing needles go into the skin"
Rachel: "the shower drain, its disgusting and gross and i don't know whats down there! touching the handle on public toilets or doors i do it with my feet"
Will: "Balloons being popped"
Meagan: "Zombies/ doors cracked at night"
Emily: "Spiders, the ocean--the thought of being out there in the middle and not knowing whats under me! bees. pet dander (the word). bed bugs in a made bed"
Tim: "food getting contaminated with stuff, bugs of any sort, touching the bottoms of shoes, inhaling mold spores"
Whitney: "blowing up balloons"
Ryan: "diving, water in general. awkward hugs"
Matt: "being afraid. i'm not easily excited, so the anxiety of an onsetting fear is what seems to scare me the most"
Nikki: "drowning. mice, its not that i'm scared of them its their feet"
Ashley: "birds, squirrels, and da po po"
Emily: "falling in a cactus patch. eating something that turns out to be alive, and also i'm very scared of swarms"
Daniel: "social interaction"
Sarah: "centipedes"
Lee: "mice, dead animals, snakes.."


Indiana Jones would realise an endless pit of snakes. Shauna, one of the most perfect asians at SAU would open the lid and leaping frogs would emerge. My mom would reach in to clean and see her fingers being mauled by the garbage desposal. Geoffrey would open the lid and find a roaring vacuum. Some people pride themselves disowning such petty fears, they might look down and see only themselves.

with love,
Stefani



*inside of pumpkins, peppers, fish gills, glands... all of those and everything that looks like those should be destroyed forever like that ring in that one movie.. or three.