I set my alarm for 4am a about 2 hours ago. I was initially going to skip my night shower/workout and get up an hour early to complete everything on time.

but as you can see, i am not asleep.

I find there is a pretty solid trend in my sleeping habits. The more i'm worked, the less i sleep.

Maybe because my brain is f i n a l l y working, so it takes longer to slow down. Or maybe its because my body is doing all the work the whole day, so at night my brain finally takes it's center stage role and keeps me up. Not sure. All I know is that its been consistent.

The summer I was canvassing, walking 25 miles a day, in the heat, with people... and guess what, I slept (on average) about 3 hours a night, no problems. I wouldnt fall sleep until a good hour of quite time had been completed. And before anyone else woke up, I was awake.

Three years later when I was digging in Jordan, same story. Hard manual labor, blazing sun, people all day. Lights out was 9pm, but I didn't fall asleep till after midnight. Wake up call was made at 4am, but I was already wide awake.

The last few weeks, guess what... wake up is 5am, I dont fall asleep until about 1am. I'm on my feet for an 8 hour shift, with people, and than class (or work) with more people.

I can't figure it out. I've experimented with different "good sleeping habits" like getting exercise, going to bed at the same time, not eating within 4 hours, no tv, texting, etc...

this is a rough draft, but here is what i've got

1)People make me tired while I'm with them, so when I'm alone, I need my time, so i stay awake.

2)Heat makes me groggy, I might get dehydrated a tiny bit, so my cells might metabolise and function slower. So when I cool back down, they make up for lost time, keeping my body awake before it can than "restore" itself with sleep.

3)Physical activity.. I don't really know why this would be a problem at all. ok, maybe because the more i "exercise" the more energised I become... and i guess i have lag. lol

The weirdest part about this all is that even though it sounds like i'm complaining about lack of sleep.. I'm not. To be completely truthful, I feel way more rested with THIS kind of 3-4 hour sleep, than I do with 7 hours during less hectic times.

[wow, that was really really way too long. I'm going to go take a shower now, and reset my alarm to 5am. Goodnight yo]

Sunlight over me no matter what I do!

First off, I should have written on this Monday, because I was much more positive than. let us be real.

Finishing up clinicals at this long term care facility is putting me in a better mood the closer it comes. Don't get me wrong, i LOVED it there. but my feet hurt, and my OCD kicks in hard there, and it hurts my being that there are people more cranky than I (&i'mtalkingabouttheworkers!)

I count my blessings though. I have met some really really rad people, gotten two new job offers, and also gotten over my fear of naked obese people, large amounts of feces, oozing sores, and see-through ripping skin. I've learned a lot. I'm glad about it all.

enough of that.

ps. I'm happy to get rid of this yucky uniform of red and white. gross.

have i mentioned how excited i am for the soon released fleet foxes album. HOLY MOLY.

GOODNEWS! I've started really cleaning my room, and doing my stretches again. things are looking up regarding the no facebook thing.

this blog is completely useless, i realize that. Just thought I'd document an update.

To say the least

I have a good feeling about this- I just deactivated my facebook for the time being.

I figure that at this time, the bad is outweighing the good. Its distracting to see old friends (yes, i'm talking about Matt) on my news feed. Do I really need to know who they're becoming friends with and saying hi to and whatnot? Its easy for me to run to things like facebook to procrastinate. And at this time in my life where I am doing clinicals, starting a new job, and finishing up my school year with finals.. I dont need to be procrastinating. I need to grow up. I trust I will be back on the social network pretty soon, but not till this summer. Hopefully (ideally) I can use this new free time to actually write blogs(!) or get in shape, or keep my room clean :)

wish me luck

I want to be them/be their friends/have their fun

Fleet Foxes - Grown Ocean from Fleet Foxes on Vimeo.

You have no idea how i've been in love with them for so long.

and you still think i'm crazy for hating bananas?

Problems with Hurricanes

by Victor Hernandez Cruz

A campesina looked at the air

And told me:

With hurricanes it's not the wind

or the noise or the water.

I'll tell you he said:

It's the mangoes, avocados

Green plantains and bananas

flying into town like projectiles.

How would your family

feel if they had to tell

The generations that you

got killed by a flying

Banana.

Death by drowning has honor

If the wind picked you up

and slammed you

Against a mountain boulder

This would not carry shame

But

to suffer a mango smashing

Your skull

or a plantain hitting your

Temple at 70 miles per hour

Is the ultimate disgrace

The campesino takes off his hat-

As a sign of respect

towards the fury of the wind

And says:

Don't worry about the noise

Don't worry about the water

Don't worry about the wind -

If you are going out

beware of mangoes

And all such beautiful

sweet things.

yep. a real post will come on another day.

.

Its always darkest before dawn, right?

Fits of Rage

I don't need to say much to explain this photo.

I cut off my hair without thinking. :) here

Maybe I'll go shorter, Any ideas on the cut I should get next?